


Our Mouth Goes In, Got The Money

by zimmer2d



Category: Archer (Cartoon), Gorillaz, Pacific Heat (2016), mentions of Tokio Hotel
Genre: Boredom, Crack, Don't Judge Me, F/F, Gambling, I Don't Even Know, Peeping, What Have I Done, aaaannd...smut, did i mention peeping, don't act like you wouldn't watch, more peeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8964115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimmer2d/pseuds/zimmer2d
Summary: Murdoc, Todd, and Archer all stare at the massive screen. Noodle and Kwong were in very close proximity of each other with flushed faces and giggly smiles...and a few roaming hands in places that had the four men's eyes wide.





	

**Author's Note:**

> boredom. this is what it looks like.
> 
> i actually don't mind Pacific Heat (Netflix Original). it's just the first season, let em find their ground. maybe there'll be a crossover episode one day...maybe...
> 
> anyway, enjoy. don't judge. just read.

“Kwong, be still! And take off your glasses, they're in the way,” Noodle groans. She puts a hand on her hip in an exasperated fashion.

 

“‘M sorry, Noodle, I've never ‘ad my ‘air cut like this!” Kwong grumbles. She takes off her square frames and places them on the bathroom counter. She had casually told Noodle she needed a haircut and Noodle offered to cut it for her. She didn't think it would be with a katana.

 

Noodle finishes and re-sheathes the sword, “There,” she said giving Kwong’s hair a fluff. Kwong examines her haircut in the mirror, replacing her glasses and smiling at Noodle in the mirror.

 

“Looks good, actually,” she beamed, “So anyways,” They resume their conversation of Final Fantasy in the hotel bedroom as they were watched on a hidden camera by a small group of their male peers.

 

“I don't know what the point of this is,” Archer groans and pours himself a (what the hell is this? A dirty German? The lack of proper alcohol in this place…) “They're just talking video games. I mean, they're not even level 5 yet.”

 

“How would you know--?” Todd interjects, but Dr. Krieger shushes them.

 

“Guys? A little quiet please?” he mumbles and types away on Kwong’s advanced command center of a computer. “We're supposed to be on security duty.”

 

“For what?” Archer scoffs, grimacing at his dirty whatever, “Two teenagers talking video games that they don’t have a snowball’s chance of beating--?”

 

“Again, you know this...how?” Todd cocks an eyebrow, “‘Sides, Kwong’s like 22 and Noodle’s, what, 25?”

 

“What are you even doing here, Krieger? I thought you were a medical doctor or some shit?”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, well the beta testing went alright,” Kwong shrugs, “But you can only start over so many times. This makes three times for me.”

 

“Three?!” Todd and Archer splutter. “It hasn’t even been released that long!”

 

“Yeah, it's my third time round too,” Noodle yawns. She stretches along the bed, her top riding up a tiny bit.

 

“You didn't know?” Krieger glances up at the two dumbfounded agents, “Noodle and Kwong had been guest developers on the game. They've been playing for months. How do you think you got assigned, Todd?” 

 

“Why does it feel like I'm outta the loop?” Todd mutters, Archer nodding in agreement “Was that in the dossier? Really ought to read tha’.”

 

“Right? But how do  _ you  _ know, Krieger? We were just assigned, like, two days ago.”

 

“What?” Krieger feigns deafness again and taps around on the keyboard.

 

“Anyway, why are we watching them? What do we look like, babysitters?” Archer groans into his drink.

 

“‘Sposin’ I could answer tha’,” came a gruff voice, followed by a God awful stench of rotting flesh and sin. Murdoc Niccals strode into the room with a can of beer in his long, green fingers, “Bein’ on th’run from th’Black Cloud an’ after escapin’ from that hell hole of a prison, mighta made a few enemies for meself an’ me band. Figured it be bes’ ta ‘ave a bit o’security while we work on our nex’ album.”

 

“Fuck,  _ finally _ !” Todd groans, “How long has it been? Been waitin’ on a new Gorillaz album.”

 

“Longer than I care t’admit,” Murdoc sighed and took a swig of beer.

 

“Guys?” Krieger calls, but he goes largely unnoticed.

 

“Got th’dullard writin’ new stuff as we speak.”

 

“ _ Guuys… _ ”

 

“Really? So his eyes, are they really there? I mean…”

 

“And how the hell can he sing clearly, but he talks like a toothless scullery maid…”

 

“Hey, who's up for Asian lesbian porn?” Krieger shouts over the conversation, which ceases immediately.

 

Murdoc, Todd, and Archer all stare at the massive screen. Noodle and Kwong were in very close proximity of each other with flushed faces and giggly smiles...and a few roaming hands in places that had the four men's eyes wide.

 

Archer reached forward to turn up through volume, but all he heard was some form of Asian language. “Fuck, what are they saying?”

 

“ _ Xiǎng wán _ ?” Noodle whispers sweetly, the tip of her tongue along Kwong’s ear. 

 

Kwong blushes with a smile, “ _ Watashi wa chotto tanoshikattadesu _ .”

 

“How long has Kwong known Japanese?” Todd wondered aloud.

 

“Is she not?” Archer barely takes his eyes off the screen.

 

“Nah, gotta be Korean,” Murdoc says absently.

 

“She's Chinese, you idiot,” Krieger grumbles, but like the others, his focus remains on screen, watching Noodle and Kwong make out sloppily on the bed. Kwong’s hands run along Noodle’s back, grabbing at her top and baring her olive skin.

 

“Did you bring it?” Kwong sighs at Noodle. Noodle smiles and scrambles off of Kwong and disappeared from view, then reappeared with a purple bag.

 

“Bring what?” Archer muses, knocking back his nasty drink, but staying fixated on the screen. 

 

“Little girls and their toys,” Todd snickers sarcastically.

 

“We checked the bags and we didn't find anything out of the ordinary,” Archer states, somewhat absently as Noodle takes Kwong’s glasses and tosses them onto the side table.

 

“It was probably in her purse,” Krieger mumbles, “and Lana and Maddie checked those out of courtesy for the girls.”

 

“Probably not unusual to them,” Archer laughs, “have you been in Lana's purse? It's like a grab bag of Mandingos in there.”

 

There was a general murmur of agreement.

 

They hear a giggle as Kwong lifts Noodle’s shirt from her body and tossing it to the floor. She pressed soft kisses into Noodle’s sternum; Noodle’s head falls back, a smirk on her slightly swollen lips as she grabs at Kwong’s sweater vest.

 

“Kwong’s gonna wreck her,” Archer chuckles, “Obviously, she's a top.”

 

“Nah, Kwong’s a softy,” Todd waves a hand at Archer, “I've known her for ages. She's not particularly forceful.”

 

“But Noodle isn't th’type to top, either,” Murdoc frowns at the agents, “Granted, she could kick yer ass in a figh’ bu’ she ain’ th’type t’go ‘round forcin’ ‘erself on people.”

 

“Hey Archer, Malory asked me to--SWEET BABY JESUS!”

 

The four men turn to their intruder, Ray’s eyes wide with shock as he stares past them to the computer screen, a cup of hot tea in his bionic hand. “What the  _ hell-- _ ?”

 

“Er, uh, just...er monitoring Noodle’s room...nothin’ to see ‘ere,” Todd stutters as he desperately searches for a way to (temporarily) disrupt the feed. Krieger slaps his hand away and the two engage in a slaps fight, Todd ultimately ending up on the floor with a sour look on his face.

 

“ _ Why _ do you even have a feed for that?” Ray gave an exasperated sigh at them, “If the chief or Malory find out, it’s all our asses! You know she signed off on a privacy contract?”

 

“Did she?” Murdoc gave the blonde operative a genuinely confused look as he lit a cigarette, “Hm. Guess th’girls aren’t gettin’ much on their feeds then.”

 

Ray glares at Krieger, “Do I even wanna know?”

 

“No, you don’t.”

 

Ray makes an impatient noise, “Anyway, take this down! We’ll all be fired if--oh... my stars…”

 

The others look at the screen as they see Noodle reach into the purple bag, pulling out a long, thick, studded double-ended dildo. “Holy shit! How the hell did  _ that _ fit in a purse?” Todd exclaimed, though his hands twitch at the thought of what they plan to do with it.

 

“It’s gonna rip them both in two,” Krieger gives an odd chuckle that turns into a small coughing fit, “which would be very bad. Yep, yep, very bad.”

 

“No one would have sense enough to take that,” Archer laughed, “Not even Ray.”

 

“You know--no, wait... _ dukes _ , he’s right.”

 

“Right?”

 

“Why would you know that?” Todd gave a raised eyebrow to Archer, then to Ray. Ray simply drinks his tea, still eying the oversized toy on the monitor.

 

“Just look at him,” Archer scoffs, gesturing at his fellow agent with a mocking hand, “Obviously he’s a bottom. That rubber anaconda would probably--”

 

“Wait just a damn minute,  _ Bi- _ ba Fett,” Ray puts his tea down on the table behind him, “I’m not  _ just _ a fucking bottom!”

 

“Doesn’t matter, you’re still a bottom, Chew- _ cock _ -a,” Archer laughs at his own comeback, a bit of snickering from Murdoc and Todd.

 

“A  _ power  _ bottom!”

 

“Still a bottom, princess.”

 

“That dominates, you  _ ass _ !”

 

“Since we’re on th’subject,” Murdoc interrupts, “Did we ever figure out those two?”

 

The group focuses back on the screen. Kwong slips out of her vest and Oxford and is becoming pretty handsy with Noodle’s breasts after she popped off her green bra with her fingerless glove-covered hands. She leans in and presses a soft kiss on her. Noodle pushes back, reaching behind Kwong to unhook her bra. There was a collective gasp from the operatives and the musician, even Ray. “You sure they’re Asian? Aren’t they typically...y’know,  _ flat _ ?” Archer asks of Todd.

 

“Starting to wonder myself,” Todd mumbles, but continues to watch, “you think you know a pair…”

 

“Peg Kwong at...oh, maybe a 30C?” Murdoc scratches thoughtfully at his chin, “Small in the torso, mind, but she could fill ‘em nice.”

 

“You have experience with that, Pickles?” Ray grumbles as he lights his own cigarette. Murdoc casts a furtive look at him, “I’m just sayin’. Noodle’s got a pair too.”

 

“I don’t go through the kid’s knickers, fairy boy,” Murdoc puffs at his cigarette, but gives Ray a sweeping, almost appraising look that Ray shudders at.

 

“She’s still 25, Murdoc,” Krieger pipes in, “and she’s a 32D. Sometimes C...depends on the bra--”

 

_ “What?” _

 

“What?” Krieger goes back to his nervous watching of the girls. “Anyway, anyone fancy a flutter on tops ‘n bottoms?”

 

“I got $200 on Kwong being top,” Archer says, placing crisp $100 bills on the table. Todd unfolds a couple of bills and tosses them on top of Archer’s bet.

 

“I’ll raise you $500 that Noodle’s a topper,” he smirks.

 

“I’ll put in $500 for Kwong,” Krieger produces a few bills that Archer takes and places with the other bills. Murdoc wordlessly adds $1000.

 

“Where’s your bet going?” Todd asks, watching the bassist pull up a chair next to Krieger.

 

“Put it all on Noods. Got a good feelin’ abou’ ‘er.”

 

“$100 says it’s in his pants,” Archer mutters to Ray. Ray makes a disgusted face. 

 

“Don’t need to make a bet on that,” Ray mumbles. “And  _ how _ do you have that much money, anyway?” His question goes ignored, of course.

 

“So, Ray, aren’t you goin’ in on this?” Todd asks, drawing up a chair on the other side of Krieger. “All’s fair in tops an’ bottoms.”

 

“You  _ say _ that...but…” Ray gives a sideways glance at the sandy haired cop, but takes a draw on his cigarette, “your statement sways me not to.”

 

“No professionals, Todd,” Archer snickers, leaning against the briefing console in the middle of the room, “you might as well just give him your credit card number.”

 

“Are you a pro gambler?” Todd inquires of Ray, who gives Archer a look of loathing as he sips his tea.

 

“No, I’m  _ gay _ , honey, I can spot a top and a bottom with my eyes closed.”

 

“Oh,” Todd makes an uncomfortable face and directs his attention back to the girls.

 

“And neither are  _ just _ top or bottom. They’re both.”

 

“‘Ow is tha’?” Murdoc frowns as he snuffs out his cigarette, “You either take it or you dish it out. You can’ do both.”

 

“No, they’re versatile. They  _ can _ do both, just depends on their moods,” Ray states matter-of-factly, sipping delicately at his tea. “Just watch, you animals.”

 

“Ok, now you gotta place a bet, Ray,” Archer quips and thumps Ray on the back, causing him to sputter chamomile tea onto the table in front of him. “The odds are even higher with a third bet.” Ray doesn’t seem convinced. “You’re in it with us if we get fired anyway,” Archer adds as an afterthought.

 

“What? No, I’m  _ not _ !”

 

“You  _ did _ just tell us to watch,” Krieger adds, adjusting the zoom controls to focus more on Noodle and Kwong.

 

“Krieger, shut up. Archer, fuck off. I’m not betting on something you shouldn’t be doing in the first place that’ll get us all canned. Besides, where’s the fun in just taking your money? There’s no sport in it...”

 

“Even so,” Todd says, “You better hope you win. You’ll be unemployed if the chief and Mrs. Archer find out.”

 

“Fine,” Ray groans and shoves a hand in his pocket to withdraw a few bills. “There, $800 bucks on versatile. At least it’s an even number and it’s not like I have a 401k anymore.”

 

“$3000 pot. Not bad, gents.” Murdoc grumbles, “Not bad for an afternoon flutter.”

 

The five men turn back to the screen as Noodle pushes Kwong back to straddle over her. They continue to speak in one Asian language or another, alternating between Kwong’s native Chinese and Noodle’s Japanese. “God, can’t we get some subtitles on them or…” Archer grumbles.

 

“I think so,” Todd takes over the control panel, clicking around to find the settings menu, “Kwong streams some German band and Korean drama from here all the time...There!”

 

Noodle takes her time unbuttoning Kwong’s khaki shorts then pulling them off slowly, nipping at her supple skin as she goes. Kwong says something, but the subtitles pop up in Chinese characters rather than English words.

 

“What did you  _ think _ would happen?” Ray chuckles. Todd turns off the captions, looking disgruntled, but perks up at the sight of Noodle peeling away Kwong’s unusually girly panties. She presses Kwong’s legs apart, leaving her gray argyle socks on, and puts a thin finger to the sensitive folds before her. Kwong keens at the touch, her head falling back against the pillows, clutching at her short hair.

 

“She is good,” Krieger says lowly.

 

“Mm. I’ll be takin’ me cut now,” Murdoc grumbles with a triumphant sneer, reaching for the wad of bills on the table.

 

Todd slaps the musician’s hand away, “I wouldn’t start celebratin’ just yet,” he smirks. Murdoc watches as Kwong flips Noodle onto her back and wrestles off her denim skirt, leaving her designer knee-highs on her as well. Murdoc’s eyes are wide as he watches the computer analyst strip his guitarist of her clothes. “ _ Does _ Noodle wear knickers?” Todd asks smugly.

 

“S-sod off, cop,” Murdoc grunts and sits back down. Kwong fingers at Noodle’s sex, smugly watching her green eyes close and her tongue glide over her suddenly dry lips. Kwong doesn’t waste much time driving Noodle insane. The tip of her tongue swipes over Noodle’s clit, a flash of silver catching everyone’s eye.

 

“Say, Todd?” Murdoc sneers, “‘Ow long ‘as Kwong ‘ad tha’ barbell in ‘er tongue?”

 

“Stow it, I don’t stare at her mouth all day,” Todd says, but he keeps watching Kwong licking away at Noodle’s sex, “half the time I talk to her through a mobile.”

 

“And the other half?” Krieger butts in. Todd gives him a deadly stare. “Oookay. Shutting up.”

 

“Ngh...ah...mm, yes,” Noodle growls with a satisfied smile, her hands roaming through Kwong’s hair.

 

“God, do you know how much money we could make on this?” Archer says with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “Like, this betting pool would be nothing.”

 

“‘S got a point,” Murdoc agrees. “I know our fans would pay  _ ‘top’ _ dollar for it.”

 

“See, this guy gets it!” Archer laughs, patting the bassist on the back.

 

“Always nice to have a backup plan,” Ray scoffs, “especially when you lose your job as an agent. A professional peeping Tom looks good on a resume.”

 

“Except for the part where you’d be dead when they find out,” Krieger groans. “Noodle’s a sleeper agent that’s been re-awakened, and Kwong is a human database. She could destroy us with a single click. I mean, look at this computer…”

 

“Right, right…” Todd grunts in agreement.

 

“Er...forgo’ abou’ tha’,” Murdoc groaned. He stared at the scene before him, seriously contemplating if his life was worth the money he could rake in.

 

Kwong lapped at Noodle, making her scream and possibly swear, though no one watching them understood what she was saying. After a few minutes, she eases up and takes the massive studded toy, a scheming smirk on her face as she teased Noodle’s sensitive spots. Once the thing was properly lubricated, Kwong pushed it in, stretching the small opening. Noodle moaned at the feeling, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets when the little textured bumps rubbed along her tight walls.

 

“This has got to be a new version of fisting,” Todd groans. “Look at the  _ size _ of that thing!” 

 

“Yeah, no kidding,” Archer agreed, “It’s in there pretty deep too. Has she ever been with a guy, Murdoc? Like, does she like egg rolls, or is she strictly sushi?”

 

“Phrasing?” Ray makes a face at Archer’s racially-biased metaphor as he flicks his lighter at the new Virginia Slim pinched between his teeth.

 

“Never seen ‘er with either,” Murdoc admitted as he lit another cigarette of his own, “‘S not to say she doesn’t wander off. S’posin’ she learnt tha’ from me, but I never woulda guessed. Always been the quiet type, Noods.”

 

“Doesn’t seem much like it now,” Archer snickers as he watches Kwong flick at a button on the side of the dildo, causing Noodle to scream louder and thrash against the mattress. A couple of minutes go by and Kwong pulls the vibrating toy from Noodle’s core, tracing her bottom lip with the wet tip until Noodle draws the head into her mouth, tasting herself on the rubber.

 

Noodle takes the dildo and Kwong lays on her back, Noodle pleasing her clit in the same manner until she’s shouting and possibly cursing (maybe?). Noodle drags the tip (“Just the tip…hehe.”) along her lips and tastes Kwong’s excitement with a dirty smile at her.

 

Kwong smiles back, taking the opposite end and giving it a lick too, before positioning it at her sex and pushing it slowly into her body. Noodle takes her lead and shoves her end in too, mewling loudly at the sensation. Both girls scream loudly, rocking their bodies against the toy, grabbing at anything within reach: the bed, their hair, each other...whatever, until Noodle simply couldn’t take anymore and pulled the dripping toy out of her sex, panting heavily. Kwong isn’t far behind and she taps out too, taking the dildo from her pussy and breathing erratically.

 

“Short-lived, wasn’ it?” Murdoc scowls at his watch, “They only went at it for...20 minutes I reckon?”

 

“Somehow...I don’t think they’re done,” Archer snickers, pouring another...something. Kwong took the toy and gives it a twist in the middle. Noodle reaches for the purple bag, handing a black leather harness to Kwong and strapping herself into another. Kwong was now holding two halves of a dildo that attached to the harnesses, and she handed one to Noodle.

 

“Ready?” Noodle sighed to the analyst, pressing her legs open and rutting the toy along her clit.

 

“Mm...yes. Do it…” Kwong smiled up at Noodle as she pushed into her wet and waiting sex. “Ngh...fuck…” Noodle pushed in and out, picking up speed and breathing quickly.

 

“Oooh...my God…” Todd groaned, unconsciously gripping his cock and massaging the tight bulge that was there. 

 

“There’s a bathroom with private stalls, Stroker McJackoff,” Ray groaned as he flipped through a Vanity magazine that had absolutely no business being there. 

 

Todd doesn’t seem to hear, though he shuffles off towards the bathroom, and didn’t return. 

 

“Yep, two Asians ‘nd a strap-on’ll do tha’ t’you.” Murdoc laughed. He took a draw on his cigarette, then conveniently sidled off to the same bathroom, “‘Scuse me.”

 

Archer and Krieger watched as Kwong’s body shook as Noodle worked her over. “Kwong’s gonna cream,” Archer mumbled, his hands twitching at the boner that was growing. “Look at her, she’s totally gonna…”

 

“Mm...Ahh!” Kwong shuddered and shook and came hard, Noodle pulling back, the toy literally dripping wet.

 

“Cream.” Archer’s leg twitched nervously, then he scuttled over to the bathroom, Krieger right behind him.

 

When all four of the men had locked themselves in a stall, Ray went over to the console and typed around, “They’re gone, ladies, we got $3000. Let’s get some German wieners.”

 

“Almost done, Ray,” Noodle says to the intercom as Kwong shoves her back with a giggle and pushed the strap-on into her pussy, earning a growl of appreciation as her back arched into her.

 

“Do your thing, honeys,” Ray mumbled and typed a few commands to pull up a second closed-circuit feed. “Alright, Little Boy Blue. What are you up-- what the absolute shit?” Ray’s eyes were wide as he watched his best friend and the blonde lady cop almost literally screw 2D’s precious blue brains out. “Dammit, Lana,” Ray groans. He turned the feed to a third hidden camera, grabbed the money from the table and headed to the hotel.

 

When all four men returned, they were all greeted with a rude awakening that pushed the bet out of their minds.

 

“Gaah! What--is that the  _ chief _ ?” Todd spluttered.

 

“Oh my God! Is that my  _ mother _ ?” Archer shrieked, clutching his gut. He just barely made it into the bathroom, Todd hot on his heels.

 

“Eugh...even I wouldn’t be so desperate,” Murdoc grimaces at the video, “Later gents. Wonder what Miss Veronica’s up to,” he waves and leaves the room.

 

Krieger watches for a few seconds, “Meh,” then types up commands to locate his virtual girlfriend who was back in LA, minding the agency. She gives him a few choice words for leaving her there, mouthing off about charges to a porn account, three or four hidden camera feeds that she'd told him to delete ages ago, and several updates that had been mis-downloaded to her mainframe that shouldn’t be there, mostly code and commands to make her more like Noodle or Kwong. “Meh,” he shrugs, logs off and walks out.

_____

 

Ray sits with Kwong and Noodle in his hotel room later that night, watching a fourth feed that he and the girls prepared themselves. “I can’t believe we did it!” Kwong smiles a self-impressed smile as she typed the proper prompts on Noodle’s laptop.

 

“I know! It was almost too easy!” Noodle agreed, “And we got that amazing VIP upgrade, too!” She watched as two identical German men entered their respective rooms on the split screen, both shedding their clothes. 

 

It wasn’t hard to find their house in Los Angeles; Ray worked directly across from their recording studio, after all. And they were pretty efficient at their careers: an international musician, a prodigal computer analyst, and a field operative with a bronze Olympic medal in ski slalom thankyouverymuch. Convincing them of extra security cameras to ward off unwanted fans or paparazzi seemed pretty legit, especially after being corroborated from a fellow pop star.  

 

“I call Tom!” Noodle squeals as the tattooed and pierced guitarist tossed off his shorts.

 

“Aw, I wanted Tom,” Kwong pouts, but Noodle presses a kiss on her cheek.

 

“I’ll share, of course,” she giggles, “There’s certainly enough of him to go round.” Kwong blushes and pushes her glasses up with a small smile.

 

“That leaves me with Tall, Thin, and Fabulous!” Ray sings, watching the singer strip out of his underwear and sidle into the bathroom. “I’ll be checkin’ into Bill’s hotel for sure!”

 

“Phrasing,” Kwong and Noodle say absently as they watched on...

**Author's Note:**

> OH, LIKE YOU WOULDN'T WATCH TOO!


End file.
